How many times have you heard or even used the phrase, “…In touch with my/his/your feminine side.”?
This is commonly a phrase a guy will here under the following conditions:
- He shows any sign of emotion (sadness, sensitivity, vulnerability, fear, etc.)
- He dresses in an outfit that actually matches (ie; color coordinated)
- He admits to another man being attractive/good looking
- He gives an opinion about fashion/design
Of course, there are many other situations in which this phrase might be used but these are some good common ones. For many years I heard this phrase and even used it to describe other men without giving it a second thought.
Today, this phrase has a little bit of a charge for me and not in a good way. Let me first start by saying that using this phrase with any man is to not only a dishonor to who his is as a man but is sexist and oppressive. Since when were men not supposed to have feelings? Since when were men supposed to be born without feeling sad, vulnerable, or sensitive? Since when were men not supposed to enjoy dressing nicely? Since when were men not supposed to appreciate how attractive someone else is without sex being brought up?
Whenever someone uses the phrase “…in touch with his feminine side.” you have to ask these questions. The truth is that men are human beings and human beings experience all of these things, some more than others. To identify with an inherent part of a man as being something other than man is to deny manhood all together. I love how I can’t be emotional without pointing out that it’s my feminine side. I can’t even be emotional and be a man. I have to be emotional and be a man with a feminine side. This is not only completely false and insulting to manhood but it’s also insulting to women. It supports the underlying theme that women are weaker than men which just isn’t true. You wouldn’t see a man doing something strong, courageous, and confidently and hear someone say, “Oh he must be in touch with his feminine side”. No, you only hear that phrase being used in times when a man is creative or emotional or “soft”.
This topic is really a subtopic to a much greater issue which is how as men we’re forced into so many ridiculous false roles that actually deny our manliness. Yes, you can be a good dresser, have some feelings, and care about others and still be a man.
So Men….Do you realize and appreciate that you don’t have to conform to living in this box society has put us in? Or are you the Ted Bundy of men who enjoy living in that same ol’ box? Either way is fine so long as you realize there’s nothing you can do…absolutely nothing you can do to become any more or less of a man. You’re a man simply because you were born as such. That’s it.